Tarrant's Remorse
by Niphuria
Summary: Tarrant had tortured and traumatized his beloved Alice. She's willing to forgive, but he cannot forgive himself. Can she bring herself to help him do so?


I don't own Alice in Wonderland or any of its characters. Based on the 2010 Tim Burton Film.

Rated M for explicit adult content. Special warning - references to trauma and torture.

Tarrant had tortured and traumatized his beloved Alice. She's willing to forgive, but he cannot forgive himself. Can she bring herself to help him do so?

**Tarrant's Remorse**

Alice sat at the kitchen table, staring into a cup of tea that had long since grown cold, lost in troubled thoughts. Tarrant, by her request, was staying away from her for awhile. She had a lot to process since his Confession and right now she didn't want him around while she endeavored to do so.

Flashback -

Alice was in a strange place, tied face down and naked to a wooden table by straps that made any movement impossible. She had a black bag over her head that completely obscured any details of where she could possibly be.

The strange man, her kidnapper and tormentor, had just spent several horrifying and agonizing hours scoring her flesh and stinging it with what she finally realized was a dye. He was marking her! He was carving a design on her body, her left buttock, to be precise, and making certain that it would be permanent!

After screaming and making frantic, incoherent sounds for some time she finally forced herself to calm down. There was no point in screaming, and she knew that her kidnapper would not tolerate her speaking.

She had begun to ask questions the moment she awoke and her captor had placed his hand over her nose and mouth and kept her from breathing for several long moments. Alice had got the message. He would not allow her to speak. All of her questions were to go unanswered, even as to why she was in this horrible place!

After a while, she knew not how long, the pain from the constant and steady cutting dulled enough for her to be able to endure it without crying any longer, or giving him any satisfaction whatsoever in her suffering.

When he was finally done her entire body relaxed. That is until she wondered what he would do next. Would he...take her virtue? Would he beat her? He obviously didn't intend to kill her or else he would not have spent so much time in meticulously marking her. Was she to be his slave?

Then she flinched as her kidnapper began to tenderly stroke her thighs. What? He had first mauled her flattened breasts, pinching and twisting her nipples until she cried out, and then, suddenly, he was more gentle as he played with her breasts. He had painfully spanked her bottom, Marked her, and now he was being tender again? What was going through his mind? Or worse, was he planning on mentally or emotionally conditioning her for...something? She had heard of such a thing. What was it called? A conditioning of prisoners with their captors? She recalled reading in one of her father's magazines of such a thing; that some people were kidnapped or held as hostages and over time had become attached to their captors and even were staunchly loyal to them. She had dismissed such notions as penny-novel drivel until now. Now, she would give anything to have learned otherwise than through first-hand experience!

No! She would not submit, no matter what this evil man did to her, tender or otherwise. She had slain the Jabberwocky! Even if the worst were to happen, she would not allow it to break her, or taint her spirit!

She would have none of it. She would steel herself for whatever was to come, but she would never, ever, give in to him.

Suddenly the man surprised her. She felt him get back on the table and she knew he was staring at her most intimate flesh. She was mortified once more. What was he going to do? What he did do next was...unexpected. He moved closer to her and began to touch her there. If she had been able to move Alice would have leapt up from the table in shock. But as it was, she could not move. Not so much as an inch.

He ran his finger up and down her femininity and an unwanted heat began to build in Alice's belly. What was it? It couldn't be...no. It couldn't be...arousal? Alice was innocent, but she was not entirely ignorant. Thanks to her sister Margaret and some smuggled in books she knew what arousal and sex was. Mostly. And she knew that men often touched and caressed a woman there. And it felt so tantalizing despite everything! Her body was betraying her and Alice was furious. She had not realised that a woman would not be in control of her own body!

Apparently her kidnapper knew this. She could swear that she sensed a smug satisfaction radiating from him at her response. She was becoming embarrassingly moist and he knew it. By the sound of his breathing he could smell it. Smell her. And that knowledge just made her feel more angry and frustrated. And besides that...his fingers were roughened by work. That very roughness made his grazing and stroking of her maiden flesh feel all the more powerful.

The stroking, even with his rough hands, obviously lotioned, was still almost smooth in the way his fingers danced and pressed against and across her tender flesh. The feeling...it was almost electric! Every stroke of a work-worn finger sent waves of heat shooting through her very core and she almost felt as if she were flying. When those fingers grazed and then stroked her sensitive nub she felt electricity anew and at that moment her body betrayed her by leaking juices she had never leaked before! This man was making her...wet! She had been moist before, but now she was positively wet. She could swear she heard a nearly inaudible chuckle as the man teased his finger feather-light across her slit once more.

Those rough fingers then began to tease at her opening and Alice involuntarily struggled as hard as she could, but her efforts only made her already over-stretched muscles ache and her nipples pain her anew. Then one finger slid a little ways inside of her. Alice froze. Could he actually take her maidenhead in such a manner? Oh, please no! Not that! But the man kept his finger barely inside her and moved it about, teasingly circling her opening until Alice was straining again and making her muscles ache all the more. The pleasure made her both euphoric and furious. She was confused and piqued. Then the finger withdrew and she was relieved, but slightly disappointed deep inside. Her traitorous body had been responding to this man's touching, stroking, and teasing. Her body! Not her, but her body! Why, oh why couldn't a woman control her own body!

The touch...that touch...it should have been familiar to her, but amidst her man-handling she had dismissed such a notion at once. Only later, when she would have time to ponder on what had been done to her would she realize why.

Oh, goodness, someone get her out of this horrible predicament! Then the situation got worse. He began to tease her tender and aroused little nub of her most sensitive flesh more intensely, focusing all of his attention there. She never could have dreamed how such a touch would feel! Margaret had told her nothing of this; the books they had smuggled into the house as girls told nothing of this. It was glorious, almost divine! All sensation began to centre in that one tiny place, as if every nerve ending in her body was now there just waiting to be teased and pleasured. And all this from the same man who had kidnapped and tormented her for hours!

Suddenly his stroking stopped. Alice held her breath. The man didn't leave the table. Instead...yes, he was moving closer to her. Soft hair tickled the insides of her straining, sensitive inner thighs and she even felt the shell of his ear brush against her. She shivered and fear arose once more. Why was he so close? Unwanted feelings of anticipation swept through Alice and she realised that she really wanted to find out! Oh, that was so evil, so utterly bad, but she could not help herself. She had never felt this frightened and yet so aroused in her entire life!

His hot breath was on her sex now, and she shuddered and felt gooseflesh arise over her entire body. What was he doing? Was he going to...she gasped aloud and moaned as he did. He began to use his tongue on her! All coherent thought was driven from her mind as that tongue began to swirl around her sex, up and down her wet slit, snaking slightly into her opening and teasing it there. Alice shuddered violently once more as waves of heat and pleasure wracked her body, making her want more, more, more! Oh, the feeling was so much stronger and more arousing and more tantalizing than anything she had ever imagined she could experience with a man. She didn't care that her stretched limbs and her raw nipples pained her so; she wanted this! She needed this!

And when he snaked his tongue back up to her stiffened and ultra-sensitive nub and flicked lightly over it she gasped her pleasure. Again, she sensed a smug satisfaction from the man, but she was beyond caring. When he sucked her flesh into his mouth and drew upon it firmly she thought she'd die if he stopped. Every tingling nerve-ending in her body was not centered there, in that tiny peak of flesh inside this man's mouth. And then he nipped her firmly, almost too hard, and she almost screamed in pleasure and desire for more. The pain mixed with the pleasure was too intoxicating for the young blonde to resist. More, she silently begged him, more, please!

She couldn't help but sigh and moan in pleasure and slowly she began to think again and realised that she was actually wanting this! She was behaving as a wanton woman with no sense of propriety at all, but she couldn't bring herself to care. Her flesh, still inside his mouth, was now being teased by the tip of his tongue on a tiny spot of sensitivity that she hadn't known existed. And Alice could feel her body reaching for something, craving, straining, needing, until it almost...

And then he stopped. He stopped!

Alice was angry, frustrated, and mortified all at the same time! She had wanted to reach that peak, needed to; whatever it was. She had been so close! He took her there and then just left her...wanting. Desperately wanting! Why? Why didn't he finish what he had started? Was this a part of his mind game with her?

He got off the table and was apparently studying her. Then she heard the soft sound of his clothing being disarranged and wondered if now would come her rape. The loss of her chastity. The loss of what made her a pure young woman. Alice knew she should want, desperately want, to keep her virtue intact. But another part of her, the part of her that was enjoying what this man could do to her, made her almost...just almost, want him to take her. It was all so confusing! As a society lady she shouldn't even think such forbidden thoughts, but she was! She couldn't help herself. She had a taste of some ultimate pleasure and had lost it in an instant. And she wanted to find it again. Find it and ride the waves of pleasure to their ultimate end.

But he did not approach her again. She heard the man's breathing grow harsh and ragged and wondered what he was...no, she knew what he was doing. Margaret had told her that men often pleasured themselves in such a way. He was stroking his...manhood! Instead of raping her he was pleasuring himself! Why? He had just left her a quivering and throbbing mass of unprovoked need and frustration and he could now just look at her suffering and longing and...and do...that? She knew her anger was unreasonable. Wasn't it? She had nearly reached the peak of heavenly pleasure and then just drew back to watch her suffer in want while he pleasured himself? How dare he? She knew it was wrong of her, so very wrong, but she would rather he take his pleasure with her than on his own! She was a human being, a woman, and he had taken advantage of her in the worst way! If he wouldn't take her chastity, then why couldn't he at least have given her the pleasure she had almost reached at the tip of his tongue? Blackguard! Rogue! She was furious and was furious at herself for feeling that way!

Her tiny peak of flesh was still throbbing and tingling and she could feel how wet she was. Did the sight of her and her frustration please him? Please him enough to actually be able to reach his peak of pleasure without her? She knew his rough hands were on his member and his very soft gasps of pleasure as he stroked himself vigorously told her his rhythm was increasing. Alice suddenly let a small portion of her pent-up frustration escape her in an angry sigh.

At her sigh the man stopped breathing for a few moments and then resumed breathing, and heavily, too. Evidently he had reached his peak and now...would her use to him be at an end? Or was this just the beginning of more fear and uncertainty?

Suddenly she felt a rag being pressed against her mouth and nose and all went black.

When she regained consciousness she was back in Tugley Woods where she had been abducted. All she wanted then was to get to Tarrant; her reason for returning to Underland to begin with. She had developed rather strong feelings for him but still had obligations to take care of back home. But she had returned when she was finished and was prepared to find out how deeply her feelings for Tarrant went and where they could go. And before she had left she knew that he felt the same way about her. They both needed to be together again and explore their feelings.

But would he have her now? She had not been penetrated, but she had been violated nonetheless. And she was bearing some Mark that was not yet known to her. She hadn't any idea of what it could be. Was it something associated with the fallen Red Queendom? A fallen family? Even, perhaps...Stayne's family crest?

That last possibility made her shudder and begin to cry. But she knew, she just knew, that Tarrant would understand. He would understand that none of this was her fault. He would understand and he would comfort her. She needed him. She needed her best friend. And so, when she saw him at the end of the long Tea Table waiting for, her she had not hesitated to run into his welcoming and loving arms.

But if she had known that it was Tarrant all along, would she have rushed into his arms? No. She would not have been able to. She had been too traumatized and violated and humiliated. No, she would have gone straight to Marmoreal to see Queen Mirana.

She was relieved that things had turned out as they did, for she loved Tarrant more than her own life. But if she had known...would she have found that love? The love that she could no longer live without?

However, she _had _run to him. Gladly. And he had enveloped her in his arms and his comforting scent of cinnamon and Earl Grey. He had held her in loving arms and had wiped away her tears and soothed her until carrying her to his bed. He had snuggled her under the covers and sat beside the bed while she slept because she was afraid of being alone.

That night Alice had finally seen the mark in Tarrant's bathroom mirror. As mortifying as it was to have it and know she would always have it, she had to admit that it was a lovely work of art. A flower amidst intricate vines. It was actually beautiful. But she had no idea of why someone would kidnap her and force a tattoo upon her. It must be someone's idea of possession. Perhaps Stayne, or someone like him, desired her and if she wasn't going to love him he would have some twisted mental satisfaction that he had possessed her in a permanent way.

But why hadn't the man taken her chastity? Wouldn't that be the ultimate possession? But again, Alice was rendered unconscious. Perhaps someone was approaching and her captor felt threatened and had to remove her quickly and thought it best to not be caught with Underland's Champion in his possession so he returned her to where he had found her. That would make sense. Anyone from the White Queen's army would have possibly killed such a man on sight, or at the very least he would have been sentenced by Queen Mirana to the horror of Exile.

She had decided to not dwell on it further if she could help it. The experience was traumatic enough without her losing her muchness and even more because of it. After all, she hadn't been truly harmed. It would haunt her for the rest of her life, perhaps, but it was not anywhere near as bad as it could have been if her kidnapper hadn't chloroformed her so suddenly and returned her to the path.

During the following weeks Alice and Tarrant began to develop a more intimate relationship. They discovered that their feelings were more than intense friendship and loyalty. They had suspected it before she left Underland to fulfill her duties Above, but now they knew for certain. They were in love. They were absolutely, positively, without any doubt whatsoever, in love.

It was during their ninth week together that they consummated their love. And Alice welcomed Tarrant's tender and loving caresses and was all too happy to give her virginity to him. Tarrant had been honoured beyond words and loved her so gently, tenderly, and reverently that Alice had cried tears of pure happiness. So had he. She had never seen his eyes so beautiful in their emerald green and flecks of gold. And he told her that her eyes had never been so cornflower blue and enchanting.

And so several months of happiness passed for them and one day, during a stroll through Queen Mirana's gardens of Marmoreal, Tarrant had proposed to her and she had excitedly accepted. To become Lady Alice Hightopp! It was a dream come true. No, it was better than any dream she could have ever had! The beautiful blue stone he had chosen for her ring was perfect. But not as perfect as her happiness.

But the very next day Tarrant had descended into a deep depression and melancholy. Alice wondered if he had second thoughts about marrying her and managed to work up her courage to ask him. He vehemently denied it and said that he had something heartbreaking to tell her.

For the first time Alice felt a sick feeling that she should know what he meant. But she couldn't quite put her finger on it. It tingled in the back of her mind while his eyes turned to a sad deep blue tinged with grey.

Tarrant gathered her in his arms and insisted on carrying her to the sofa. Tears began to stream from his eyes and he settled down with her in his lap. He asked her to try and promise to understand what he was about to tell her and to try her very hardest not to hate him for it. That he was truly sorry for what he did and would do anything, anything at all, to make it up to her if she would give him the chance.

Alice had swallowed hard and gave him her promise to do her very best. It took Tarrant several minutes to stop his sobbing and begin to speak. And what he confessed shocked her to her very soul.

End flashback

Alice looked up from the unsipped tea and decided to go and visit her friend, Queen Mirana. Together they could work out how to resolve this agonizing situation once and for all.

* * *

Mirana and Alice sat at the Queen's tea table in her private quarters. Both knew that likely the tea would sit untouched, but its presence was a comfort nonetheless.

"So," Mirana said, after Alice had told her friend, who was actually more like a sister, everything, "is there any question at all in your mind? Any at all?"

Alice shook her head, mussed golden hair tumbling wildly about. "No, none at all, Mirana. Of course I forgive him. The strange thing is that it isn't terribly difficult for me to do. After all, Tarrant has gone through so much in his life; lost so much, his Clan, his entire family, everyone he ever loved. He just couldn't bear to even contemplate the chance of losing me as well."

"And he was in a state of Madness," Mirana added, steepling her delicate white fingers and placing them under her chin. "I know Tarrant very well. These spells of Madness were once quite frequent. But ever since you returned as a young woman, they have all but disappeared completely."

Alice looked into Mirana's chocolate brown eyes. "Truly? Well, I suppose I can believe that," she murmured. "After all, when no-one else believed in me, he did. He gave himself up to the Red Queen for me, he suffered beatings and tortures in her dungeon to keep my presence a secret. And he even risked his life with the Jabberwocky for me."

"So you have seen his heart," Mirana said. "You have seen the true Tarrant and the love he bears for you. You complete him. You stabilize him. And you understand that he will never be a completely sane man again. Ever. But his state of semi-madness makes him who he is now."

"And I love the man he is," Alice replied. "I...I just didn't think of the Darkness in him when I returned this time to stay. He usually has so much Light these days that I never even stopped to think..."

"Alice, listen to me," Mirana said, leaning forward and taking one of Alice's hands, "before you even complete that thought. Alice, we all have Darkness inside of us. All of us. And we all, well, nearly all of us, have Light as well. It is the Balancing between the two that makes a person whole. Tarrant is more Light than Dark, especially now that you have saved Underland from my sister's tyrannical reign and slayed the Jabberwocky. Especially since you befriended him and loved him unconditionally. But when you left he descended into a depression so deep that we feared for his life."

Alice gasped. "Oh, Mirana..."

"Shhh...but he waited and you returned at last. He had slipped into one of his Mad states, but it seemed mild and harmless, yet I was so afraid for him that I consulted the Oraculum and informed him that your return was indeed foretold. That must be when he began to plan how he would win you and never have to face the fear of losing you a third time, and possibly forever."

Alice sat back in her chair, stunned into silence. It all made sense now.

Mirana took both of Alice's flushed hands into her own cool ones. "Now, is there anything else you wish to speak of? You've already said you forgive him, and now you understand why he did what he did to you."

"Yes," Alice whispered. "There is something. Tarrant...he..." And she stopped.

Mirana caressed Alice's hands. "Go on, Alice," she whispered. "What about Tarrant?"

"He..." Alice's eyes welled with tears but she resolutely attempted to keep them from overflowing. "He said that he...he can't accept my forgiveness unless...unless he suffers as much as he made me suffer!" She lost her fragile control and began to sob and Mirana swiftly moved to lift Alice to her feet and embrace her tightly.

"He needs to atone in able to be able to accept your forgiveness?" Mirana asked gently. "He needs to suffer in order to make you both...equals?"

Alice nodded against her friend's shoulder. "He...he wants me to do to him what he did to me." She pulled back and looked into Mirana's kind and sympathetic eyes. "But I don't know if I can! How can I make the man I love suffer? How can I do what he needs me to do, Mirana!"

Mirana thought for a few moments and then stroked Alice's hair from her eyes and smiled gently. "Alice, we all have Light and Darkness inside of us. And you are strong. There is no way that you or I or anyone can dissuade Tarrant from what he needs when he believes it so strongly. You will need to take some of your Darkness and harness it, but keep it wrapped inside the Light of your Love. Then, and only then, can you grant Tarrant his Penance."

"But...but...even if I can do that, how can I...Mark him? I'm no artist of tattoos, Mirana! I'd make a wretched mess of it."

"Is that what he requests of you?" Mirana asked. "That you do to him precisely what he did to you, down to that detail?"

"Yes," Alice whispered, clearing her throat and beginning to summon her strength of will once more. "He says he is unworthy of my forgiveness and of my love until I make him suffer just what I suffered. And he says it has to be by my hand. No other. Mine alone."

"I see. Well, I don't think the Mark...or "tattoo" as you call it, will be a problem. They are not uncommon here, Alice. And we have templates. You will do fine. But the question is, can you do it? Can you give Tarrant what he needs?"

Alice swallowed again and with a quivering hand reached for her teacup. It rattled against the tiny dish as she took it and swallowed the cold contents in one large gulp. "Yes, I can. I love him and I can do it. I must. And I will. But there is one thing. Can a special template be made?"

Mirana nodded. "Easily and quickly, my dear. Let me take you to the metals artisan."

* * *

Tarrant was now the one naked and tied tightly face down on one of the long wooden worktables in his workroom. He had made sure Alice had tied him so tightly that he could not move. She had said that if she were to give him the privilege of Marking him that it must be as perfect a Mark as her own.

Alice seemed detached as she set about arranging the tools she would require. She dispassionately, or so it appeared to Tarrant, arranged the scoring knife, the clean towel, and several bottles of dye.

"Which colour do you want?" she asked him.

"Will you tell me the Mark you chose for me?" he asked her.

Alice held the template before him. It was not one he had ever seen before. It was a circular crest edged with olive leaves and inside was a beautifully scripted "K".

"The Kingsley Family Crest," she told him. "I think it only fitting, don't you?"

Tarrant nodded. "Does it have a colour?"

"Deep blue," she responded.

"Deep blue it shall be, my love. Please begin."

"Very well, but not one word." She paused. "Tarrant?"

"Yes?" he asked, the anticipation building inside him in ways he had not expected.

"I don't want to hear you scream or cry. I...just don't."

"Then gag me," he said, "and stuff your ears if you must. But don't worry, my darling. We will soon be equals, you and I. It is your turn to master and own me. Once this is done my penance will be over. And then we will be equals in every way."

"And then we will marry as soon as possible."

"Yes, as soon as possible. Anything you want, Alice! Anything at all!"

Tarrant could only see the floor and what was in front of him unless he craned his neck. But it wasn't necessary to see. He would feel everything. And more. He had put a tiny amount of acid in every dye bottle that Alice would possibly use on him. He would feel more pain than she ever had. And it would likely not dull. But he didn't want it to. He wanted to hurt, to be in pain, to suffer at her hands. He loved her and trusted her and couldn't wait to feel her cutting into him and carving her Mark on him. Nothing would please him more than to serve his penance and then be owned by Alice in body as well as his heart and soul.

Alice returned to him and knelt before him. "Are you ready?"

Tarrant nodded. Alice stuffed his mouth so full of cloth that his jaws ached and then secured them with a strip that she tied firmly between his teeth and around his head. She obviously wanted to muffle him as much as possible.

"Very well. Prepare yourself." Alice returned to her Impassive mode and moved behind him.

Tarrant knew it was slurvish of him to take pleasure in the preparation for pain and Marking, but he couldn't help it. His body betrayed him and his erection pained him as it grew larger than he ever knew it could and was pressed so firmly against the unyielding wood.

Alice suddenly stopped in her movements and Tarrant wondered what could be wrong. She moved to his side and then slid her hand, palm upwards, under his groin and grasped his erection, hard.

"Naughty," she said, "very naughty. Just for that I think I'll need to take extra time to make sure my Mark is perfect on this very lovely pale backside of yours." Then she gave his testicles a quick grip that caused him to gasp in pain.

Alice then moved to prepare to get to work. She pressed and taped the template against his smooth and perfect flesh. There were tears in her eyes, but there was also determination. And love.

Tarrant groaned at the loss of her hand on him. He had almost climaxed at her touch, but now it was gone. He felt Alice make the first cut and he groaned.

His penance had indeed begun.

* * *

I hope you all enjoyed this follow-up to "I Must Own You Completely." It may not have turned out the way any of you expected, but upon reflection, this was the only proper ending I could see for the story. All comments are welcome.


End file.
